I’ve just caught ‘Wicked Little Things’, or ‘Zombies’ as it has been renamed for the UK. I’d re-name it again, to ‘Little Shits', because these mini-monsters are the nastiest pint-sized psychos since The Bubblegum Gang made their appearance in 'Hostel'.
Which begs the question – who would win in a fight between Wicked Little Things and The Bubblegum Gang? Well, let’s take it step by step…
WEAPONRY Both gangs go ‘old school’ with their weapons of choice. No Uzis or Rambo hunting knives here, just solid old fashioned spades, bats, bricks and bottles - used to devastating effect: WLT: 7 TBG: 7
NUMBERS I counted 16 Wicked Little Things at one point. The Bubblegum Gang are around half that number, BUT they do have that one with the wonky eye who’s twice the size of everyone else. He must be in his mid-20’s at least: WLT:9 TBG:8
RESPECT FOR ADULTS Both gangs have despatched adults before with relatively little problems. However, The Bubblegum Gang lost one of their own by way of Mr. Big’s pistol, so: WLT: 9 TBG: 7
NIGHT AND DAY Wicked Little Things, being of a supernatural bent, thrive in night-time. The Bubblegum Gang are equally effective day or night, and from what I can gather, don't go to school: WLT: 5 TBG: 10
DRESS SENSE Neither gang’s strong point. The Bubblegum Gang almost pull of their retro Eastern-European shabby chic look, but the Wicked Little Things look like rejects from Mary Poppins with badly smeared make-up. The overall effect is a bit like a melted waxwork of Terence Trent D’arby. Not that anywhere would have a waxwork of Terence Trent D’arby these days. Anyway: WLT: 4 TBG: 6
ABILITY TO FLY Neither gang has this ability. Not too sure why I’ve included this as a category come to think of it: WLT: 0 TBG: 0
VERDICT: THE BUBBLEGUM GANG BY A LANDSLIDE! Although probably best not to mention landslides to the Wicked Little Things. Sore subject.