20/06/2009

MIRRORS (20008)

Day #1253

I sit here crushed (don't worry, not literally) and despondent. So much hope and excitement cruelly snatched from my grasp!

It all started this morning when I aspied - remarkably - a creature with a human form in the distance! I beckoned to him and he waved back!! I set forth on foot towards him and judged him to be doing the same.

My suspicions were first aroused when he sneezed at exactly the same time as I. And, not long afterwards, I noticed that he discovered his fly was undone at exactly the same time as mine...

There is no mystery here. For you see, my new companion was nothing more than a reflection. Some trick of the light bouncing off a glacier, some prism refracting... or something, what am I, a F*&&%$g scientist???!!!

I apologise. There's no need for me to take it out on you. A film will surely calm me down...



MIRRORS (2008)



My thoughts after watching Mirrors were uncannily similar to my thoughts after I had sex for the first time. I enjoyed it, but deep down I knew it didn't go as well as it could have. And the more I think about it now, the more ridiculous it seems.

Also, I wish the only attractive woman involved didn't get killed half way through.

I digress. Your experience watching Mirrors will depend on a) how much you like Kiefer Sutherland...



and b) how freaked out you are by... mirrors!



Personally, I have a lot of time for Kiefer Sutherland. And as far as mirrors go, well, from a very early age, long before my visage had been ravaged by sub-zero arctic temperatures and malevolent bumble bees, I've been more than a little wary of contemplating my reflection in detail. I can sense something lurking just beyond my peripheral vision you see...

Which reminds me - I got some valuable advice from an old fortune-teller once, shortly before she died. Never look into a mirror in a dark room at midnight she said (or croaked 'neath an increasingly crushed windpipe, rather). For those phantasms beyond your vision are real. And when you stare at your own reflection for too long, there comes a moment when it becomes aware that it is being watched. This is the point when YOU become the reflection...

And so to Mirrors the movie. The plot is all too familiar - an obvious and unimaginative cross between The Shining and The Ring. Basically, an ex-ish alcoholic gets the job of watchman in a spooky old building. Shit happens, and we go on a meandering investigation that revolves a crazed little girl in a mental institution.

An awful lot of Kiefer's screen-time is thus spent in 'research' mode. Which involves him sitting at a desk, looking through endless scraps of paper and making occasional notes. You can tell when he finds out an important piece of information because he shouts 'goddamn!' and punches the nearest wall. It's gripping stuff.

A rare foray away from Kiefer's scrap-book strewn home-office is Amy Smart's death-scene. It's the highlight of the movie, not just because we get to see her fanny (don't worry UK readers - 'fanny' means 'arse' in the U.S (note to my U.S fans - 'arse' is the English for 'ass')) but that she meets a memorably grisly end, murdered by her own reflection as it rips its jaw off, knowing that the same thing would happen to her.

My main problem with Mirrors was that I just didn't buy into the premise. I couldn't find the will to spend time trying to fill in the various plot holes, like figuring out why the demon had to threaten the security guards to get their help? Would a simple 'please get me out of this mirror' have gone amiss?

And so the film ends with our hero desperately trying to escape a burning/collapsing building. Like an awful lot of other horror films.

Ah - I almost forgot about the 'twist' ending. Without giving too much away, it falls into one of the two standard horror film twists (Standard Horror Film Twist #1 - He's actually dead. Standard Horror Film Twist #2 - His 'friend' doesn't exist. He did the murders himself). You can probably guess...

Here's some rare footage of Kiefer Sutherland being asked to do the sequel which will be set on board a pirate ship:

11 comments:

  1. Mrs. Knarf took this particular bullet for me, but her "review" of the film ended up boiling down to "and then he kicks the shit out of a nun," "and then the nun explodes," and my favorite "and then we went outside to reload."

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  2. Interesting. Never caught this flick. Not sure I am gonna rush out and try to now, either.

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  3. Ah, I watched the original Candyman recently, I think that might be enough "mirror' themed movies for me for a while. And just watched Fight Club last night...so I might have the "suprise" ending covered also? :)

    Thanks for saving me a couple of hours of my life. Cause I was thinking that with Kiefer in it, might be okay.....thanks for saving me a few hours of my life. I owe you man.

    BTW- the Christmas tree cut was bizzare!!! LOL!

    Where do you find this stuff? :) Keep warm and remember to zipper up, don't want to freeze the important bits off!!

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  4. The Igloo Keeper15 July 2009 10:51

    Nevertheless, I think if you go into watching 'Mirrors' forewarned that everything you see will be a cliche, you'll quite enjoy it.

    Maybe not 'enjoy' then...

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  5. "I enjoyed it, but deep down I knew it didn't go as well as it could have. And the more I think about it now, the more ridiculous it seems."

    This is *exactly* how I feel about this movie.

    BTW: Frog Queen, isn't Candyman 2 the one with all the mirrors?

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  6. Richard Doyle20 July 2009 19:02

    Isn't that a picture of Donald Sutherland?

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  7. You get a bonus point if you can spot a picture of Kiefer that's supposed to be Donald somewere on this blog...

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  8. Original was good, this was long, boring and disappointing...and i like Keifer in anything, I liked him in this... but didn't like this. :)

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  9. Gore-Girl - ah, you are probably right about Candyman - I watched both of them in the same night....and I can barely remember my name most the time. :)

    Cheers!

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  10. Is there anyone who has worn more bad wigs in film than Donald Sutherland?

    Caffeinated Joe's kudos for you's well deserved.

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